If you get pregnant any time within the next year, I will personally fly home and push you down the stairs. I'm serious. Maybe it's selfish, but I don't want you having babies until I'm done destroying the universe with you.

I'm still mad at you

for wanting babies right now

RESPONSE

Person Needed to Develop iPhone app - $1 (DC area)
Reply Lugo, Raul CTR to sale-wewej-146.

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LMAO that is awesome!

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Let me just say that I think it's a damn outrage that no one has responded to our Craigslist ad yet. Bullshit.

Self Proclamation

Seeing as its Wednesday already, I can finally break down and tell the tale on how I became ‘Employee of the Week’. No longer will I be a tease…

Here at my (god forsaken) company we’re judged on numbers – only. It doesn’t matter how polite you are or if you’re actually finding a program fit for your customers. We’re built on the foundation of selling people advertising that they cannot afford and they’ll probably see no return on their investment. In fact, a few of us have termed a phrase that we reference often, goes a little something like this “Nail their ass”. If you care to know what that means, its: sell them a big program, collect their 2 months up front, get the sale in your numbers, and then let our collection department worry about getting the money for the remaining 10 months.

Back to the numbers system. Hope you have your abacus available.

There are 3 different categories if you will, each paid commission differently and you have the ability to climb up the ranks (see: false promises set by management). I had the highest percentage in 2 of the 3 categories. I have brought back almost all of the billing that I started with, and increased the existing revenue like no other. Awesome. I get recognized for the work that I was doing and for the effort I actually exerted out of sheer boredom. My reward: a $10 gift card for Dunkin Donuts, which will cover my coffee for the week.

BUT WAIT

Here I stand, mid-week, just got out of a 1-on-1 with my boss discussing those fabulous numbers that were referenced before. Anyone see what’s missing? That magical third set of numbers – which is the new business, people we can get to join our overpriced society of deadbeat local businesses. Now, the focus is no longer on how I’m killing the other 2 brackets, but now is redirected to I’m not doing enough for the business. I find out that supposedly the 2 areas that I’m doing well in don’t matter in comparison for the third. If I expect to go places within this company, I have to step it up.

And to make matters worse, what really chaps my ass, a week’s worth of coffee from Dunkin is $10.15. Where the hell am I going to come up with the extra 15 cents that my company’s not covering? Talk about getting the short end of the stick.

The end.

If you didn't catch it on CNN this morning

stef: remember when we had our own language

jules: o m g

yesssss

man we were smart

stef: i propose that we bring that back

jules: i lost my notebook though.

we'd have to make an iphone app or something

you know... really update and get with the times

stef: girl

that's genius

jules: i wonder how you make an app

i bet we could figure it out

stef: no doubt

or hire someone to make it

jules: psh

stef: pay them in sunflower seeds or something

jules: great idea

i'll let u find that willing person

stef: craigslist

i'll post an add

jules: but seriously, if we took the time to figure out how to build our own - like some bullshit language decoder

i bet we would be able to build other ones afterwards.

then i could retire at the ripe age of 22 and be a self made millionaire

stef: i'm 23

jules: and we could hire monkey butlers in tuxedos, hot guys to make us martinis and go on five guy runs

and most of all i could finally afford my fishtank wall

it's ok that you're 23 - i'll just sound better than you since i got to retire a year earlier.

stef: monkey butlers = amazing

jules: what are u talking about. the whole idea's fucking amazing.

Person Needed to Devlop iPhone app - $1 (DC area)
Date: 2009-11-11, 11:13AM ESTReply to: mailto:sale-wewej-1461106450@craigslist.org?subject=Person%20Needed%20to%20Devlop%20iPhone%20app%20-%20%241%20(DC%20area)&body=%0A%0Ahttp%3A%2F%2Fwashingtondc.craigslist.org%2Fdoc%2Fwan%2F1461106450.html%0A [Errors when replying to ads?]

My BFF and I need some assistance in developing an iPhone app for our secret language. Currently, we both speak english, however, in 4th grade we created a secret language that we would like to be able to use in our everyday adult lives and perhaps eventually acclimate into the rest of society. The iPhone app would ideally have a simple interface and include a dictionary with our words and translations. It would be cool if it had voice recognition (preferably translating our voices into autotuned voices of our new language) and perhaps fingerprint recognition (just because it's cool and seems official). We both work full time jobs, but slack off pretty regularly, so we would have time during the day to help with the details of the app.

Payment is negotiable, however, we were thinking you could be paid in sunflower seeds or something to that extent. If you don't like sunflower seeds don't even bother applying. If there is another type of seed you prefer, feel free to make a suggestion.

Location: DC area

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interestsPostingID: 1461106450

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