Speechless

I've definitely felt like this before... but holy shit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzY5i4A1zgA

I have to wonder how this man got home. And good choice with the Budweiser!

Survival of the Fittest

Mine will take down your's any day of the week.

And if not the pumpkin will.

Now you see why the invisibility of the tape was so important.

More Clever Marketing

I wouldn't go patting yourself on the back and calling it 'invisible tape,' if it's not actually invisible.

That's like calling a McDonald's milkshake a protein shake.

All because some DICK (Christopher Columbus) decided to chop-kick his way into America and completely own it's inhabitants, I got to spend my day eating sushi and shopping at Macy's 'Columbus Day Sale.'

'Columbus Day Sale?' I've never heard of such bullshit in my life. Columbus raped a bunch of Indians and Pillaged a bunch of teepees. Ooh, what's that Macy's? You realize that all of the nations kiddies are off of school and mommies need an excuse to get them out of the house all while spending their husband's paycheck on Ralph Lauren cashmere sweaters for fall - as if they don't have one in every color already. Oh, pewter! That's a new color in their line this year. $89.90?! Don't mind if you do.

Welcome to the suburbs of Chicago where if there's a recession, it means filling your Porche with unleaded instead of premium.

I'm not sure what Microsoft Office's problem is. They can invent a mail merge - great. That saves me about 2 minutes while preparing 15 proposals. Now all they need to do it make a reference program that will look up project prices and all that other stuff I have to do. I spend way too much time doing work that an intern should. I asked my boss if I can get one and he said ok, it'd just come out of my salary. Doesn't he know that people are willing to "work" for free?! Just give them like a college credit hour or something. Fuck. It takes me all damn day to do research, print emails, and fax shit. Just give me someone to do all that stuff. My skills include selling and talking people into buying stuff. I could sell a shit ton more of advertising if I wasn't doing all of that busy work.

On another note... anyone looking for an internship? You can earn college credit!

p.s. FUCK gmail for locking me out of my account 3 times today. I'm about to start breaking things.

So when your bosses throw you under the bus by leaving the firm they fought so hard to get you hired at, they at least tell you that your job at the firm is safe.

FALSE.

The President of the company pulls you into his office and tells you that you will be placed on unpaid leave until they can hire some new lobbyists for you to support.

NOW WHAT?

You call your old bosses and tell them they better get you a way to pay for your excessive drinking and health insurance (hey, I don't want swine flu).

WHAT DO THEY DO?

They have one of their wives get you a job at her plastic surgery office.

FUCK.

I better get a boob job or some lipo out of this.

Hey the intro to our blog is a little inaccurate. Something else has changed - I'm a damn brunette now!!!

Safety?

Here's my beef. Wyatt. Wyatt is the "Security Guard" for our building. I use the term security guard loosely because I'm not exactly sure how fast a 400 pound man can move in order to guard something or how a narcoleptic can provide adequate security. All I know is, when I walk into the building in the morning, we exchange pleasantries, and by the time I reach the elevator (approx. 24 steps), Wyatt is asleep - snoring so loud I'm legitimately concerned. Bless his heart.

Trouble in Tinley

Where the DC magic happens

Public Relations?

Here's my beef. I just read an article by some no namer about breaking into public relations. I bet the guy is brokkkkke. He obviously has not gone far in life, the whole article consisted of unrelated free clip-art and PowerPoint screen shots. Don't try to tell people how to be successful when you're a 38 year old virgin living in your mother's basement.

People these days... talk about blog abuse.

jules: http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=120554701784
stef: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
OMG
jules: right!
i showed my boss
stef: hahah
you would
jules: yeah he didnt laugh, just yelled at me for not working.
whoops.
i laughed?
stef: bosses.
who needs em?

Glowsticks?

jules: um i just looked at your twitter u have some hilarious shit on there... especially when u mention me :)
stef: haha you need to twitter more keep me entertained
jules: i closed my account cuz im not that clever but i think im gonna start again today
the one about the caterpillar i laughed OUT LOUD
stef: haha
jules: thats so intellegent...
"I try to spin you a positive story and you go and let the local paper take a picture of you holding two swords. Idiot."
Where the fuck do you come up with these things?!?!?!
tell me thats from a movie
stef: hahah no dude! i was working on a public relations campaign for a client trying to get a newspaper to pick up a positive spin on a story
and this asshole, goes a gets a story written about his business, the same business i'm trying to get a good story written about, holding up these two swords in his shop
it was re-goddamn-diculous
jules: thats honestly the funniest thing i've heard in a long time
i cant believe its real
stef: fucking idiots
"in this area you don't have to be blind to see we're hurting economically."
also this quote doesn't make any fucking sense
from the same industry i'm working on
probably meant, you'd have to be blind NOT to see
you don't have to be blind to see?
wtf is that
jules: HAHAHAHAHAHA
im fucking dying over here... i had chocolate donuts for breakfast which might have somethign to do with it
and i also woke up to "sexy bitch" this morning
stef: hahahaha
fuck yeah!
jules: its been a rave in my mind since 6:20 this morning
stef: glowsticks?
jules: duh.

stef: interns are the shit
when i get assigned work
i assign it to him
and he does it and brings it back
and then i give it to my boss
i get paid, he doesn't
works perfectly
jules: hahaha. i love it! you dont need to do ANYTHING
stef: nope
jules: hey i have a starbucks survey to get a free drink, can you have ur intern do it for me? i just want the coffee
stef: sure send it on over
jules: hahahah i should fax it to you we suck at this work thing
and by suck, i mean own.
we are above the system
stef: i was so nervous about the real world
i was all like, man it's gonna be so much work and i'm going to be overwhelmed because in college i didn't do shit
will this is better
no homework
free drinks
stef: and paychecks!
me: and i get paid for going on facebook instead of paying thousands of dollars for tuition
jules: and dont forget the hot men in suits, any guy is bangable in a suit
stef: absolutely

The start of something beautiful

This is the blog of two twenty-something's dominating our way through life. Everything we touch turns to gold.