So when your bosses throw you under the bus by leaving the firm they fought so hard to get you hired at, they at least tell you that your job at the firm is safe.

FALSE.

The President of the company pulls you into his office and tells you that you will be placed on unpaid leave until they can hire some new lobbyists for you to support.

NOW WHAT?

You call your old bosses and tell them they better get you a way to pay for your excessive drinking and health insurance (hey, I don't want swine flu).

WHAT DO THEY DO?

They have one of their wives get you a job at her plastic surgery office.

FUCK.

I better get a boob job or some lipo out of this.