All because some DICK (Christopher Columbus) decided to chop-kick his way into America and completely own it's inhabitants, I got to spend my day eating sushi and shopping at Macy's 'Columbus Day Sale.'

'Columbus Day Sale?' I've never heard of such bullshit in my life. Columbus raped a bunch of Indians and Pillaged a bunch of teepees. Ooh, what's that Macy's? You realize that all of the nations kiddies are off of school and mommies need an excuse to get them out of the house all while spending their husband's paycheck on Ralph Lauren cashmere sweaters for fall - as if they don't have one in every color already. Oh, pewter! That's a new color in their line this year. $89.90?! Don't mind if you do.

Welcome to the suburbs of Chicago where if there's a recession, it means filling your Porche with unleaded instead of premium.